The Two Man Gentlemen Band

5 albums

Free kazoos, impeccably tailored outfits, rowdy sing-alongs, furious banjo strumming, and a set full of quirky, clever, sometimes-naughty original tunes. That's The Two Man Gentlemen Band's formula for a good, old-fashioned musical spectacle. Hailing from New York City, The Two Man Gentlemen Band combines hot jazz, old-time country, tin pan alley, and vaudevillian swing to create a joyous two-man sound that is all their own. Performing with plectrum banjo, string bass, kazoos, and foot percussion, The Gentlemen whip themselves into a frenzy that is unlike any acoustic duo on the road today. With the energy of a band two or three times their numbers, The Two Man Gentlemen Band concocts a ruckus that is lively, danceable, and insanely fun.
The music provides a perfect foundation for The Gentlemen's wry, idiosyncratic lyrics, which vary in subject from the historical, to the romantic, to the bawdy, to the inane. On their third album alone, (Heavy Petting, SBR18) The Gentlemen sing an ode to William Howard Taft, compare true love to the square root of two, celebrate the skills of a female kazooist, challenge each other to a badminton duel, and extol the virtues of, you guessed it, heavy petting. Though they pepper many of their tunes with playful innuendo, The Gentlemen - being Gentlemen, after all - never utter a vulgar word. The unifying element in their music is not the occasional naughty insinuation, but rather the clever, good-natured wit that shines through in each of their songs - especially when they are performed live on stage.
Beginning with the ritual distribution of free kazoos (provided by the band's sponsor, Kazoos.com) and ending with a camp-revival-like shout-along about our fattest president, a live performance by The Two Man Gentlemen Band is a non-stop festival of interactive, old-fashioned entertainment. Banjoist Andy Bean serves as master of ceremonies and scarcely allows the band or the audience to take a breath. Equal parts vaudevillian comic, depression-era huckster, and society gentleman, Bean cajoles the audience to participate; scolding them playfully when they cannot answer one of his trivia questions ("What's the difference between a blimp and a zeppelin?") and offering constructive critiques of their performance during one of the show's many kazoo-alongs ("You sound like a swarm of locusts!"). Two years of full-time street-performing in New York City's Central Park taught the gentlemen this: when the band slows down, the audience takes a hike.

So, The Two Man Gentlemen Band never slows down. And the audience never stops smiling.
Off the stage, these two young men remain perfectly well mannered. This gentlemen business is no act! They tip their hats for ladies, say Sir and Ma'am, and even provide "Lessons in Etiquette" on their website. Seldom are they seen without hats, neck-ties, and cheerful expressions. The Two Man Gentlemen Band looks forward to meeting you!

Music

61 songs
Song
Length
Actions
1
More: Lyrics
02:01

Lyrics:

Oh when you take my hand, my hand feels good/ lead me, honey, up in the woods/ Oh well I got the mountain/ When we get to the top, I'll lay you down/ We'll do a gentle stomp/ I can stomp stomp, oh baby just like a man/ When you hear me holler, don't stop, don't stop/ Oh we must be doing the gentle stomp/ (scatting)/ Oh oh oh oh when you take my hand, my hand feels good/ lead me, honey, up in the woods/ Oh well I got the mountain/ When we get to the top, I'll lay you down/ We'll do a gentle stomp/ I can stomp stomp, oh baby just like a man/ When you hear me holler, don't stop, don't stop/ Oh we must be doing the gentle stomp (2 times)
2
Andy Bean's Bounce Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
01:28

Lyrics:

INSTRUMENTAL
3
More: Lyrics
02:47

Lyrics:

(scatting) C H O C O L A T E M I L K chocolate milk. C H O C O L A T E M I L K chocolate milk. Oh, who'll fetch me some cocoa beans (I will, I will) I just woke up from a dream sipping chocolate milk. And who'll fetch me my heavy cream (I will I will) I just woke up from a dream sipping chocolate milk. Oh, blowing bubbles through my straw. Oops, I spilled chocolate milk all over you, honey. Who'll fetch me my limousine (I will I will) We can recline in the backseat sipping chocolate milk. Oh who'll fetch me my magazine (I will I will) I need something to clean up all this chocolate milk. And who'll fetch my amphetamine (I will I will) I might want to stay up all night drinking chocolate milk. Oh, blowing bubbles through my straw. Oops, I spilled chocolate milk all over you, honey. Who'll fetch me my limousine (I will I will) We can recline in the backseat sipping chocolate milk. C H O C O L A T E M I L K chocolate milk. C H O C O L A T E M I L K chocolate milk. (scatting)
4
Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
03:30

Lyrics:

Amigo estas listo para la fiesta? Y sabes donde esta mi cervesa? No me molestas porque estoy dormiendo. Tengo que descansar deja me solo. Amigo, donde pusiste mi cervesa? Oh quizas, tu la bebiste mucha cervesa son para sidas. No no no debemos luchar. Vamos a son luchar. Donde hay sonrisas y jubelo. Donde brazos entre muchachos esta bein. Amigo, es una noche hermosa. Todavia no he encontrado mi cervesa. Yo no se, yo no se, yo no se, yo no se! No me anojes antes de la fiesta. Si tu devuelves lo que revolvo. Yo te perdoname y disfrutamos la noche juntos. No no no debemos luchar. Vamos a son luchar. Donde hay sonrisas y jubelo. Donde brazos entre muchachos esta bien. (dialogue) Mi amigo, no te preocupes. Ponte tus pantalones especiales. Abrazo visiente cervasa sen la fiesta. Si no ay cervesas que hacemos. Amigo, eres un nolo no eres un hombre. Abra muchas chicas y cervesas tal cansa la vista. No no no debemos luchar. Vamos a son luchar. Donde hay sonrisas y jubelo. Donde brazos entre muchachos esta bein. (repeated.)
5
Franklin Pierce Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:47

Lyrics:

Wope diddly womp, the streets are conquered. And wasn't it a dizzy, a dizzy would be. Oh you know there ain't, there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce. Oh the Lord gave him three children and he took them all away. Struck two down with tibes and crushed one beneath a train. That's why he filled the white house up with tears, oh there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce. In old New Hampshire you can hear the laughter anytime he came near. But you know there ain't, there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce. Oh when you're all alone and your money's gone oh and you're whole family's dead, sit back and have another drink, Mr. President. 'Cause ain't that every good man's fear? Oh there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce. Oh, oh, oh (repeated) Wope diddly womp, the streets are conquered. And wasn't it a dizzy, a dizzy would be. Oh you know there ain't, there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce. Oh when you're all alone and your money's gone oh and you're whole family's dead, sit back and have another drink, Mr. President. 'Cause ain't that every good man's fear? Oh there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce. Oh there ain't nothing funny about the death of Franklin Pierce (repeated)
6
Going Into Business Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:33

Lyrics:

(scatting) Oh I like how you do business, baby, you know I do. How about we go into business, me and you. Oh I know it ain't none of my business how you do what you do. But oh, if we went into business I'm a telling you. Oh it ain't no fun working by yourself, so let's team up watch our stock go up and we can share the wealth. When you become my misses and I'm your mister too, that's when we go into business, me and you. Oh we're going into, going into, going into business! (scatting) Oh I like how you do business, you know I do. How about we go into business, me and you. Oh, I'm stocking up on kisses, practicing my moves, when to go into business, me and you. Oh, when times are tough you know everybody is screaming and yelling. But I'm a man who can't resist buying up everything that you're selling. When you become my misses, and I'm your mister too, that's when we go into business, me and you. Oh we're going into business, going into business, oh you know it, where we're going, we're going into business (repeat) Going into, going into, going into business!
7
I Already Have a Dance Partner Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:53

Lyrics:

Around the floor the girls are spinning as never before. Off to the side, oh I, sipping my drink like a boy. I tap my toes and they know that I can move in time. But when she asked me for a dance, I gently declined. I already have a dance partner, already have a dance partner. She waits for me, I waltz with no one else. I already have a dance partner, already have a dance partner. And in my heart, I'm dancing with her now. I've tried, I've tried to give other ladies a whirl. But it don't take long, no it don't take long, 'till I start thinking of her. Oh, dancing is just dancing. Oh and dancing's just for fun. But whats the fun in dancing if it's not with the one I love. Oh I already have a dance partner, already have a dance partner. She waits for me, I waltz with no one else. I already have a dance partner, already have a dance partner. And in my heart, I'm dancing with her now. Oh, I already have a dance partner, already have a dance partner. And in my heart I'm dancing with her now.
8
I Like to Party with Girls Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:22

Lyrics:

Who likes to party? I like to party. How you like to party? I party like this! I like to party with girls, and girls like to party with me. Doodley da dee da da. I like to party with girls, and girls like to party with me. So if you're having a party and you want it to be bouncin', pencil two names on your guest list: Andy Bean and The Councilman. I like to party with girls, and girls like to party with. I like to party with, I like to party with girls. And girls like to party with, girls like to party with me. Doodley da dee da da. I like to party with, I like to party with girls. And girls like to party with, girls like to party with me. So if you're havin' a good time, but your boyfriend is acting mean, open your window, call for rescue, "Hey, Councilman! Hey, Andy Bean!" I like to party with girls, and girls like to party with me. Girls like to party with me! Girls like to party with me! Doodley da dee da da.
9
Me, I Get High On Reefer Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:17

Lyrics:

Some people get high on music, some folks get high on life. Some girls get high by gettin' husbands, some husbands get high when their wife's not lookin'. Some folks get high by bein' down-hearted, they love to moan and weep. Me, I get high on reefer (reefer!) then I fall asleep. And I dream about an island in the Carribean (holding hands) holding hands (with you) with you beside the sea (beside the sea). And I wonder who do you dream about when you put that reefer in your mouth? In my dream you dream, dream of me. Hey friend, do you like music? (No.) Friend, how do you feel about life? (Bad.) Friend, do you ever think about settling down? (No.) Getting yourself a nice wife? (No!) Friend do you ever feel downhearted, you love to moan and weep? Now friend, do you like reefer? (Yessir!) Let's get high together then we'll fall asleep. We'll dreaaaaaaaaam. Oooh. I wodner who do you dream about when you put that reefer in your mouth? In my dream you dream, dream. I wonder who do you dream about when you put that reefer in your mouth? In my dream you dream, dream.
10
Put it in My Ear (When You Make that Music) Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:28

Lyrics:

I knock on the door, special delivery. Woah woah woah woah, who might this be? It's a man with a man playing music that will cause you to rise up and say, "hey friend, when we make that music, I have no fear, put it in my ear" If a man and a man can play with each other every night and every day, hey friend, let's go make that music, and shed no tears, jam it in my ear. Well if you want to make a tasty music stew, our friend and I will show you what to do. Just add a pluck of a guitar string, a note that sounds very low. Gentle notes could arrest me here and there and here and there and here and there. Do you, do you have a secret, a secret, with no place to keep it? Friend, just set it to a tune and place it right here in my ear. If you want to make a tasty music stew, our friend and I will show you what to do. Just add a pluck of a guitar string, a note that sounds very low. Gentle notes could arrest me here and there and here and there and here and there. I am, I am, I am a man with a man playing music, sweet music, that will cause you to rise up and say, "hey friend, when we make that music, I have no fear, put it in my, put it in my, put it in my ear, my ear, my ear...."
11
The Leisure Class Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:23

Lyrics:

Oh I ain't going into work tomorrow, and if anybody asks, I'll be at home with my baby, getting lazy, we're joining the leisure class. I've said bye to all my toils and troubles, trade them in for love and laughs. Home with my baby, getting lazy, we're joining the leisure class. Oh my hands are free of callouses, there's no sweat on my brow. My heart is free of malices, it's all so easy now. I ain't going into work tomorrow, and if anybody asks, I'll be home with my baby, getting lazy, we're joining the leisure class. Oh my hands are free of callouses, there's no sweat on my brow. My heart is free of malices, it's all so easy now. Oh I ain't going into work tomorrow, and if anybody asks, I'll be home with my baby, getting lazy, we're joining the leisure class. Oh, home with my baby, getting lazy, we're joining the leisure class.
12
There's Something In My Trousers Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!
More: Lyrics
02:37

Lyrics:

There's something in my trousers (What's that you say?) There's something in my trousers (How does it feel?) Oh, it's warm. There's a churning inside (Help me narrow it down) And I'm feeling kind of dirty (Now get out of town) And now lady is gone. So you're talking to a lady? (Guilty as charged) Things were getting kind of heavy? Gotta try hard to hold it all in and now lady is gone. Don't say another word, I know. Don't say another, I know. I've spoke too much already (no you've been quite vague) And it's causing all the sweating (Why don't you try it again?) I can't because there's something in my trousers (repeat)
13
More: Lyrics
02:58

Lyrics:

Wine, oh wine, honey I think I spilled too much, last night, Wine, oh wine, honey I think I spilled too much, last night, and I told you that I loved you, but that was just a lie, oh I just like to tell a girl "i love you" when I drink too much wine, and I told you, as I held you, "be careful with me baby, it's my first time", oh I just like to make a girl feel special, when I drink too much wine, oh a glass in my lunchbox, a glass after work, a glass at my dinner, a glass at dessert, a glass at the ballroom, a glass on the way, a glass in a taxi cab, and a glass back at your place, Wine, oh wine, honey I think i spilled too much last night, oh a glass in my lunchbox, a glass after work, a glass at my dinner, a glass at dessert, a glass at the ballroom, a glass on the way, a glass in a taxi cab, and a glass back at your place, Wine, oh wine, honey I think i spilled too much last night, Wine, oh wine, honey I think i spilled too much last night, and I asked you to marry me, oh sorry honey but I already got a wife, and I just like to tell a girl "I love you", oh I just like to make a girl feel special, Oh I just like to ask a girl to marry me, when I drink too much wine
14
02:21

Lyrics:

I'm with love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl, Oh she takes her mallets knocks my ball, When she hits me through the wickets I don't mind at all, Knock me where you want me, all around the world, I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl, Ahhhh never feel so gay, as when she takes me by the hand, and says honey let's croquet, knock me where you want me, all around the world, I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet playing girl, oh when she puts her wickets in my lawn/ when she beats me mercilessly oh it turns me on/ when she swings her mallets, all her muscles curve/ I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl/ Ahhhh never feel so gay/ As when she takes me by the hand, and says "honey, let's croquet"/ When she swings her mallets all her muscles curl/ I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl/ Oh I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl

Lyrics:

What do you do when you aint got a towel? Stand like a fool, buttnaked in the shower, drip drying/ Everybody drip drying/ Oh I wish I was missing my towel too cause I wouldn't mind drip drying with you/ Oh you go skinny dipping in the lake, someone'll steal you're clothes while you're away, drip-drying/ Everybody drip-drying/ Baby I wish they took all my clothes too cause I wouldn't mind drip-drying with you/ Drip-drying, everybody drip-drying/ Yeah drip-drying, everybody drip-drying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, but everybody gotta drip-dry sometimes/ Oh you get hot and sweaty, sokaing wet, making love to a woman who ain't your wife/ Yeah/ Her husband comes home and he brought a 49/ drip drying, everybody drip-drying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, but everybody feels better when they spend your time/ Oh whose going to teach you how to drip dry?/ I'm gonna teach you how to drip dry/ Whose gonna teach you how to drip dry?/ I'm gonna teach you how to drip-dry/ Gonna teah you how t odrip when ya get all wet/ Teach you how to drip-dry goes like this/ Oh drip drip drip drip/ OH drip-drying, everybody drip drying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, But everybody gotta drip dry sometimes/ Drip drying, everybody drip-drying/ Yeah drip drying, everybody dripdrying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, but everybody gotta drip dry sometimes
16
02:27

Lyrics:

What do you do when you aint got a towel? Stand like a fool, buttnaked in the shower, drip drying/ Everybody drip drying/ Oh I wish I was missing my towel too cause I wouldn't mind drip drying with you/ Oh you go skinny dipping in the lake, someone'll steal you're clothes while you're away, drip-drying/ Everybody drip-drying/ Baby I wish they took all my clothes too cause I wouldn't mind drip-drying with you/ Drip-drying, everybody drip-drying/ Yeah drip-drying, everybody drip-drying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, but everybody gotta drip-dry sometimes/ Oh you get hot and sweaty, sokaing wet, making love to a woman who ain't your wife/ Yeah/ Her husband comes home and he brought a 49/ drip drying, everybody drip-drying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, but everybody feels better when they spend your time/ Oh whose going to teach you how to drip dry?/ I'm gonna teach you how to drip dry/ Whose gonna teach you how to drip dry?/ I'm gonna teach you how to drip-dry/ Gonna teah you how t odrip when ya get all wet/ Teach you how to drip-dry goes like this/ Oh drip drip drip drip/ OH drip-drying, everybody drip drying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, But everybody gotta drip dry sometimes/ Drip drying, everybody drip-drying/ Yeah drip drying, everybody dripdrying/ Oh you got your trouble, I got mine, but everybody gotta drip dry sometimes

Lyrics:

Ah, ah, ah (repeated) When I'm lonely, I drink a fancy beer (fancy beer). When I want you, only, I drink a fancy beer (fancy beer). And when the weather's stormy, and daybreak is far, I throw an extra dollar fifty on the bar. There's no sense in saving pennies, if you don't know where you are, oh, I drink a fancy beer (fancy beer). (scatting) Oh when I'm randy (when I'm randy), I drink a fancy beer (fancy beer). When I long for a piece of your candy, but I can't get it, I drink a fancy beer (fancy beer). When there's no one there to hold me for the whole of the night, I put in an order for a seven dollar pint. Though I ain't make of money, class are getting tired, I drink a fancy beer (fancy beer). (dialogue) Oh when I'm lonely, I drink a fancy beer. When I want you, only, I drink a fancy beer. And when the weather's stormy, and daybreak is far, I throw an extra dollar fifty on the bar. There's no sense in saving pennies, if you don't know where you are, oh, I drink a fancy beer, and I drink it quickly, I drink a fancy beer.

Lyrics:

Let me tell you all a story with my run in with the law/ I was once picked out for roudiness outside my favorite bar/ But before they could arest me, and ruin my good name/ I said come here kind policeman, and hear what I've to say/ I said "Hey Officer, can I make you an offer sir?"/ I'll sing a lovesong, dedicated to you/ Well anyone can tell, that this charge your duty as well/ so how 'bout I just charge a number dedicated to you/ Oh I do the little things, right here on the sidewalk, take your nightstick in my hands and show you how a pistol's got to be a sport/ you can put it in your report/ that I sang a lovesong dedicated to you/ what's that you say? this won't do?/ would you prefer a little blues/ Oh oh oh oh oh oh/ Hey officer, did you like my offer sir?/ When I sang a lovesong dedicated to you/ Don't tell me "no!"/ I saw you tapping your toes/ when I sang a lovesong dedicated to you/ I did the little things no lawman can resist/ don't suck up poor romance, take these handcuffs off my wrist/ Hey officer, why are you putting me in the car sir?/ Didn't like it when I sang a lovesong, dedicated to you/ (dialogue between singer and officer)

Lyrics:

Oh man, oh man, when I get you into my minivan. I don't go for a fast moveing vehichle. I take my time on the highway and when I'm getting physical. Man, oh man, when I get you into my minivan. Oh a fancy engine built for speed, that's not what a young girl needs. I've got plenty of room for reclining and I swear til' you get there I wont' stop driving. I take my time, I'm a patient man when I get you into my minivan. Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, when I get you into my minivan. Oh baby, I got air conditioning and fuzzy seats and those tented windows, baby, so we can be discreet. Oh man, oh man, when I get you into my minivan (into my minivan). Oh Camaras and convertibles and cars that go fastest, those are for guys in muscles shirts and moustaches. Baby you know I dress up like a gentlemt should, i don't need a fancy vehichle, baby, to make me look good. I take my time, I'm a patient man, when I get you into my minivan.

Lyrics:

Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know 'cause I'm so sloppy drunk, and nobody likes me (wah) Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know 'cause I'm so sloppy drunk. I declare that I never do it again because my wife's the deep tolling type and she swears she'll leave me if ever again. I'm sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, oh nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) sloppy drunk, and nobody likes him (wah) Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, oh nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. Oh I declare that I never do it again because I'm at the doorstep just like she warned me, she changed the lock so I'll have to change the key. Sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) sloppy drunk, and nobody likes me (wah) Sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) sloppy drunk.
21
02:33

Lyrics:

Love gives sight to the sightless, but I must confess, since I've fell for you, darling, it's had the opposite effect. I used to howl at the ladies, I'd say "Come here baby, and bring your sister." But now in my street in Queens there's just one girl for me from Jamaica to the East River. Oh the jewel of 45th Avenue. The award, by default, it goes to you. 'Cause mile after mile, I've strolled the boulevard entire, and I've not noticed another woman walking there, it's true. And they could build a nunnery, a sorority, a women's prison. I'd be blind to the occupants, I've made my decision. The jewel of 45th Avenue, my love, the award belongs to you. Yes, they could build a nunnery, a sorority, a women's prison. I'd be blind to the occupants, I've made my decision. The jewel of 45th Avenue, my love, the award, my love, the award, my love, the award belongs to you.
22
02:16

Lyrics:

When your kitty cat or your puppy dies, you dig a hole and bury him. When your pet fish goes belly up, you scoop him out and clean the aquarium. When your horse gets sick, oh you shoot him right there in the stable. But when your little pet bunny rabbit goes, you hold a funeral on the dinner table. Oh rabbit feet, rabbit feet. Ain't nothing taste better than a little bunny meat. Oh bunny meat, yeah bunny meat. Ain't nothing taste better than a little rabbit feet. I got furry in my teeth. I got furry in my teeth, I got fur in my teeth from eating too much bunny meat. Oh bunny meat, oh bunny meat. Ain't nothing taste better than a little rabbit feet. Oh I don't use beef or chicken when I'm making stew, 'cause red meat's got the e-coli and chicken's got the avian flu. But when I want something tender for to make my stomach holler, I shuffle on down to the pet store and throw down every one of my dollars on the rabbit feet, yeah rabbit feet. Ain't nothing taste better than a little bunny meat, oh bunny meat, yeah bunny meat. Ain't nothing taste better than a little rabbit feet. Oh I got furry in my teeth, I got furry in my teeth, I got fur in my teeth eating too much bunny meat. Oh bunny meat, yeah bunny meat. Ain't nothing taste better than a little rabbit feet.

Lyrics:

You make me swoon, when you cross the room, my lips quiver, and I drool on you, you make me swoon, when you cross the room, my heart faints for you, it's true, oh fainting is dainty, as any boy can tell, but if falling in love is sissy, then call me a daffodil, you make me swoon, when you cross the room, my heart faints for you, You make me swoon, when you cross the room, my lips quiver, and I drool on you, you make me swoon, when you cross the room, my heart faints for you, you make me swoon
24
All My Days Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:39

Lyrics:

On the streets of old New York I never felt this way, before we met I won't forget, you were everything for me/ I have been through lots of towns/ And good times, I have always found but oh when I'm far from you, the city of New York, she calls me heaveman/ All my days, all my days, all my days without you have been nothing but lonely/ In every stranger hides a friend/ "Hello sir, may we meet again?"/ My friend, my new friend in the city of New York/ Ladies in their Sunday dress to me will always be second best/ I can't take my eyes off you the city oh my city of New York/ All my days, all my days, all my days without you have been nothing but lonely I say/ When I'm gone and can't come back please bury me beneath the tracks/ Where I won't be too lonely listening to the dream/ We've had a time yes you and I can't bear to part and say goodbye for now/ But not for long/ New York, I'll return to your arms/ All my days, all my days, all my days without you have been nothing but lonely (2 times)
25
Let's Make a Sandwich Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
01:41

Lyrics:

One of these moments and it won't be long, all the food in your belly, honey will be gone. You'll wrestle around your refrigerator and your shed. The nearest store is in a country mile, and your back's worn out and your feet is tired. We're gonna have to make nourishment for ourselves. So take my hand, take my feet, I'll be the bread, honey, you be the meat. Tell you what we're gonna do. Your skin is brown, your lips are sweet. I always said you're good enought to eat. Let's make ourselves a sandwich oooooh. (whishtle...) At restaurants they have herbs and spices, fancy bread, and meat in slices, handsome waiters and maitre d. We've no need for such finery, just lay your body right down beside me. That's all the ingredients we need. So take my hand and take my feet, I'll be the bread, honey, you be the meat. Tell you what we're gonna do. Your skin is brown, mine is pasty, I bet we can wrestle up something tasty. Let's make ourselves an sandwich, let's make ourselves an sandwhich, let's make ourselves a sandwhich ooooh.
26
Mouth to Mouth Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:06

Lyrics:

For ten long years she was my bride. 'Round her neck, she wore my ring. I used to fix her meals for her, and listen when she'd sing. One evening when we were sleeping, nary a foot apart, when I awoke my heart was broke because her's would not start. I held her mouth to mouth. We lay mouth to mouth. My Lord, I felt so lonesome, when I lowered her down. I dug a little hole for her, beneath the bamboo shoots. And I wrapped her up in a bathroom towel and laid her beside the roots. I spoke the good Lord's prayer for her, I stroked her golden hair. Then I scooped her up from beneath the ground 'cuz I couldn't see her there. I held her mouth to mouth. We lay mouth to mouth. My Lord, I felt so lonesome, when I lowered her down. I held her mouth to mouth. We lay mouth to mouth. My Lord, I felt so lonesome, as I lowered her down. I held her mouth to mouth. We lay mouth to mouth. My Lord, I felt so lonesome, as I lowered her down.
27
My Other Half Is Gone Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:16

Lyrics:

When I woke up, I was all alone. The sun was shining brightly but, not for long. Oh I'm thinkin' something's wrong. I'm thinkin' somethings wrong. Well I poked my head 'round hoping to see a smiling face, but then, everywhere things should have been there was empty space. Oh God, I know that something's wrong. I know that something's wrong. So I fell back and shut my eyes, trying to kill the time. Oh I don't think that I'll be moving on, now that my other half is gone. This can't be happening, no, not to me. I decide when it's over, well maybe not today, and now it's too late. What would I say anyway? I called out her name knowing there's no hope. But then staring back at me there's her handwritten note, it reads "I don't know what went wrong. I don't know what went wrong." Again, I fell back and shut my eyes, trying to kill the time. Oh, I don't think that I'll be moving on, now that my other half is gone. Well I fell back and shut my eyes, and I'll try to tear you from my mind. And I don't think that I'll be moving on, now that my other half is gone. Now that my other half is gone. Now that my other half is gone.
28
More: Lyrics
02:46

Lyrics:

On a boat, in the river. It's where I made my baby mine. The wind was cold, and it made us shiver. So I finished up in record time. On a ship on the ocean. It's where I made my baby moan. The waves was rough, and when they started crashing it covered us in white sea foam. On a plane over Georgia, it's where I made my baby weep. The captain asked us fasten your seatbelts, but I refused to take my seat!
29
Prime Numbers Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
01:50

Lyrics:

Last night (last night) as my baby (as my baby) was sleeping inside her bed, I took a tape (took a tape) and measured to her (measured to her) just to see what it read. Said thirty-seven (thirty-seven) 'round her bosom (round her bosom), and twenty-nine around her waist. Said thirty-seven (thirty-seven) 'round her hips ('round her hips), and I began to celebrate! My baby's got prime numbers, prime numbers ooh-wee. That means she is only divisible by one, and that one is gonna be me. I once knew (I once knew) a girl in Boston (girl in Boston), she had nice round and curvy hips. I took a look (took a look) at her brazziere (at her brazziere), it says she was a thirty-six. It was then (it was then) my heart was broke (heart was broke) 'cuz I knew she wouldn't be all mine. I'd have to split (have to split) her up with other fellas: two, three, four, eighteen, or nine. She didn't have prime numbers, prime numbers ooh-wee. But my baby's only divisible by one, and that one is gonna be me. My baby's got prime numbers, prime numbers ooh-wee. That means she is only divisible by one, and that one is gonna be me. Ooh, prime numbers, prime numbers ooh-wee. That means she is only divisible by one, and that one is gonna be me.
30
Stonewall Jackson's Arm Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
03:27

Lyrics:

When General Jackson was riding in the wilderness, startled some of his own men, they shot and did not miss. Their mistaken bullets tore through his arm. And the men cried to themselves, "Good Lord, what have I done?" Then General Jackson was lying in a farm house bed, the doctor sawed his shoulder and they all wept when it bled. The General, he lay silently, as if he is made of clay, and he spoke not a word until they heard him say: Bury my elbow beneath the willow tree and keep your shovels handy for to bury me. Oh the fastest rider was sent to General Lee at once to tell him about Jackson's arm and all that had been done. Said Lee to the rider, "It is a fearful night, for Jackson has lost his left arm, but I have lost my right." Bury my elbow beneath the willow tree and keep your shovels handy for to bury me. Oh the farmers dug a little hole atop of a little hill. They buried General Jackson's arm and you can visit it there still. And when people go there, it's clear to one and all, it took a mighty Lord to break the Stonewall. Bury my elbow beneath the willow tree and keep your shovels handy for to bury me.
31
Stuff Your Ballot Box Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:44

Lyrics:

When I got to my baby's door, I saw something that I've never seen before, there was a whole line of fellas at her gate. When it comes to my baby's love in Lord I've always been the incumbent oh, but now she's got some brand new candidates. Well I don't know what them other fellas do, but I'm gonna shove as many votes as I can inside of you. I'm gonna stuff your ballot box, stuff your ballot box, I'm gonna box your ballot box with my vote. Gonna make multiple selections, Lord I'm gonna rig your love election, I'm gonna stuff your ballot box with my vote. Well I know it ain't democracy to pull the election day and your canery and some people even call it a sin. But if I learned anything from history, it's what you do in old americee when you ain't so sure you're gonna win. So while them other fellas go on out of time, I'm gonna shove my votes inside of you in multiples of nine. I'm gonna stuff your ballot box, stuff your ballot box, I'm gonna box your ballot box with my vote. Gonna make multiple selections, Lord I'm gonna rig your love election, I'm gonna stuff your ballot box with my vote. Oh honey, you know I ain't gonna lose. I'm gonna stuff your ballot box til votes are pouring out of you. I'm gonna stuff your ballot box, stuff your ballot box, I'm gonna box your ballot box with my vote. Gonna make multiple selections, Lord I'm gonna rig your love election, I'm gonna stuff your ballot box with my vote. I'm gonna stuff your ballot box, stuff your ballot box, I'm gonna box your ballot box with my vote. Gonna make multiple selections, Lord I'm gonna rig your love election, I'm gonna stuff your ballot box with my vote.
32
The Hindenberg Disaster Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:12

Lyrics:

Come on, children, have you heard of the greatest ship, the Hindenberg? Carried folks of wealth and fame, but it crashed and burned in a ball of flame. Was on the sign afternoon, folks were drinking tea with a pleasant view. You could hear them talk and laugh beneath a giant ball of explosive gas. The ooh, the wind it beat, a ooh upon that great balloon. The captains lost control, he says we're all doomed on the Hindenberg. Lines were tethered to the ground for to bring that airship down, but something caught and something sparked and the children cried and the dogs barked. Folks below stood and held their breath as their friends above plumeted to their death. The women wept and the men did curse, I've never seen the sun so close to Earth. Ohh the wind it beat, a ooh upon that great balloon. The captains lost control, he says we're all doomed on the Hindenberg. And the people cried from this day forth, we're gonna keep our feet firm upon the Earth. Not into these Hindenbergs, for the lives it cost and the men it burnt. Ooh, the wind it beat, a ooh upon that great balloon. The captains lost control, he says we're all doomed. Ooh, the wind it beat, a ooh upon that great balloon. The captains lost control, he says we're all doomed on the Hindenberg.
33
The Memphis Flu Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:13

Lyrics:

Nineteen hundred twenty-nine, men and women sure were dying from that stuff which the doctors called the flu. People dying everywhere, death went creeping through the air, for the groans of the sick sure were sad. It was God's mighty hand, he is judging this old land. North and south, east and west can be seen. As he killed the rich and poor, and he's going to kill more, if you don't turn away from your shame. It was Memphis, Tennessee, doctors said it soon would be a few days influenza would control. But God showed him his hand and he sent the doctors to bed, and the nurse broke down with the same. It was God's mighty hand, he is judging this old land. North and south, east and west can be seen. As he killed the rich and poor, and he's going to kill more, if you don't turn away from your shame. Influenza is a disease, makes you weak in your knees. Carries a fever everybody sure do dread. Put a pain in every bone, a few days and you are gone to a place in the ground called the grave. It was God's mighty hand, he is judging this old land. North and south, east and west can be seen. As he killed the rich and poor, and he's going to kill more, if you don't turn away from your shame.
34
The Titanic Disaster Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:24

Lyrics:

It was on a Monday morning, about one o'clock, that great ship, Titanic, began to reel and rock. People began to cry, saying, "Lord am I gonna die?" It was sad when that grand ship went down. It was sad (it was sad) It was sad (it was sad) It was when that grand ship went down. Husbands and wives, little children lost their lives. It was sad when that grand ship went down. Oh and that ship left dangling, was heading for the shore. Her rich reviews to associate with the poor. So they put the poor below and they were the first to go. It was sad when that grand ship went down. It was sad (it was sad) It was sad (it was sad) It was when that grand ship went down. Husbands and wives, little children lost their lives. It was sad when that grand ship went down. Oh when they were building, they said what they would do, "We'll build a ship that the water can't get through" But the Lord's mighty hand showed it couldn't stand, it was sad when that grand ship went down. It was sad (it was sad) It was sad (it was sad) It was when that grand ship went down. Husbands and wives, little children lost their lives. It was sad when that grand ship went down. It was sad (it was sad) It was sad (it was sad) It was when that grand ship went down. Husbands and wives, little children lost their lives. It was sad when that grand ship went down. It was sad when that grand ship went down. (repeated)
35
The War Of Northern Aggression Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:43

Lyrics:

I was thinking about Abraham Lincoln and how he made our Union right. I started drinking, dipped my head in the sink and cried out, "Baby, why aren't you here tonight?" I ain't satisfied if you got secession on your mind. Like the Mason Dixon line, it's running between us. I was wondering about the 1800s, when they tried to tear our country apart. Like I'm a hunkering down in for a somethering. Honey, you're shooting cannon balls in my heart. I ain't satisfied if you've got secession on your mind. Like the Mason Dixon line, running between us. I was dreaming about Robert E. Lee and how all the ladies thought he was brave. But ain't that something, even he stopped fighting, and maybe, baby, we'll stop fighting one day. I ain't satisfied if you got secession on your mind. Like the Mason Dixon line, running between us. Oh baby, I ain't satisfied if you got secession on the mind. Like the Mason Dixon line, running between us.
36
There'll Be Time For Loving Great Calamities
More: Lyrics
02:47

Lyrics:

Keep your bodice laced up, lovely dear. We know not to raise suspicion while my wife is here. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving. Oh, keep your painted fingers off my suit. We know not to drown each other in disrepute. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving. Oh, I know that your heart is pumping blood to your special something. Honey, my blood is pumping too. I know that your mind is running, girl, there'll be time for loving soon. Honey, soon. But for now, keep your arms and elbows to yourself, I'm known as a gentleman of utmost moral health. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving. Oh, Keep your bodice laced up, lovely dear. We know not to raise suspicion while my wife is here. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving, oh, there'll be a time for loving.
37
A Gentleman Knows How to Love Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
03:13

Lyrics:

People often ask about my necktie and my hat, and why I keep myself so debonair. (Why) They say why is it so that everywhere you go a pack of women-folk awaits you there. I answer them this, have you ever been kissed by a gentleman so impeccably groomed? It's indicative of the way he can love if you choose to invite him to your room. Oh, ladies love a genteman, 'cause a gentleman knows how to love. Oh he's so nice and tender in the evening if you find one, honey, you're in luck. He'll give you tons of evidence while the moon is bright and stars are light above. Oh, ladies love a gentleman, 'cause a genlteman knows how to love. Oh, when your head's on the pillow and you're lying on your bed, do you have visions of gentlemen swimming in your head? Oh, ladies love a gentleman, 'cause a gentleman knows how to love. Oh, ladies love a gentleman, 'cause a genlteman knows how to.. When we get together then, honey, you'll realize what I'm thinking of. I'll undo my suspenders when oh, the moon is bright and the stars are light above. Yes, ladies love a gentleman, 'cause gentleman knows how to love. Oh, when your head's on the pillow and you're lying on your bed, do you have visions of gentlemen swimming in your head? I bet you do because ladies love a gentleman, 'cause a gentleman knows how to love. Oh, ladies love a genteman, 'cause a gentleman knows how to love (repeated)
38
Dippin' Sauce Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
02:29

Lyrics:

Well I just caught me an animal, he was small all covered with hair. Hanging from a trap by his miniature feet, dangling in the air. Out came my knife to turn this tiny beast from alive to dead. His beadly little eyes never strayed from mine, and this is what he said: You ain't gonna eat my meat without no dipping sauce, dipping sauce, dipping sauce. Though I'm mainly skin and bone, I'm still quite the feast, but without no dipping sauce, you ain't gonna eat my meat. (scatting) So I gutted him, skinned him, stuck a spit in him, and laid him over the fire. Grabbed me a nearby starving nymph, slipped into my formal attire. The scent of flesh made her swoon, with this meal I'll make her mine. I said thank you tiny jungle animal, now darling open wide. She said, I ain't gonna eat your meat without no dipping sauc, dipping sauce, dipping sauce. Your persuasive whispering means nothing, my sweet. 'Cause without no dipping sauce, I ain't gonna eat your meat. If I had two faucets, they'd be making dipping sauces. If I had two closets, filled them up with dipping sauces. If I had two bosses, I'd be working real hard, but at the end of the day and on my days off, I'd find little time to dream about dipping sauce. I ain't gonna eat your meat without no dipping sauce, dipping sauce, dipping sauce. Your persuasive whispering means nothihng, my sweet. 'Cause without no dipping sauce, I ain't gonna eat your meat. Dipping sauce.
39
Heavy Petting Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
03:07

Lyrics:

(scatting) My girl, she's ill tempered and collicky. But I didn't win her through tenderness or frolicking. Some girls dream of moonlit dinners and weddings by the shore. I give my girl one thing, and nothing more. And that's heavy petting, heavy petting. Oh, when I'm near that's what all the girls are getting. Oh, a tender little rub never made anybody fall in love, but with heavy petting, she'll be wetting her lips for a kiss with you. My girl's got skin as tough as leather, but it softens each night when we're together. Oh, it takes more than some gentle kissing and a soft caress. I've a secret strategy, I'll never confess. Okay, it's heavy petting, yes, heavy petting. When I'm near, that's what all the girls are getting. Oh, a tender little rub never made anybody fall in love, but with heavy petting, she'll be wetting her lips for a kiss with you. Heavy petting (heavy petting), heavy petting (heavy petting). When I'm near, that's what all you girls are getting. Oh a tender little rub never made anybody fall in love. But with heavy petting she'll be wetting her lips for a kiss with you.
40
My Baby's Off the Market Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
02:31

Lyrics:

The boys are blue, and ladies hiss every time I give my girl a kiss. 'Cuz they all know, when we go by that my baby's off my market and so am I. My girl is high class, she dresses nice. But she gives me her loving at a discount price. Though she has offers from foreign wire, my baby's off the market and so am I. But according to the laws of supply and demand, this baby oughtta be walkin' with a wealthy man. But you can go down to the graveyard and tell Adam Smith (who's that?) that his laws of economics don't talk when they kiss. The boys are blue, I'll tell you why. It's 'cuz my baby's off the market and so am I. I met a fella, he tried his luck. Said he'd buy my baby, four million bucks. I told him no, sir. He began to cry, say my baby's off the market and so am I. The boys are blue (boys are blue), and ladies hiss (ladies hiss) every time (every time) I give my girl a kiss (girl a kiss). 'Cuz they all know (they all know), when we go by (we go by) that my baby's off my market and so am I. The boys are blue, and ladies hiss every time I give my girl a kiss. 'Cuz they all know, when we go by that my baby's off my market, my baby's off the market, my baby's off the market and so am...
41
Newtown Creek Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
03:39

Lyrics:

In the morning, twice a week, I go swimming in the Newtown creek. My nose runs, I begin to cough. My hair and skin flake off. I start in Brooklyn, swim to Queens, turn around and swim back again. My bones ache, I can hardly speak, when I'm swimmin' in the Newtown creek. It was in the Autumn, three years now. My love and I spoke wedding vows. When the evening air was warm, we strolled that dirty shore. We'd count the tires and paper cups, and all the fish floating belly up. She declaired, ""If you ever treat me mean, I'll throw my body in the Newtown stream."" So I hurl myself into the deep. And I hold my breath till I fall asleep. The only girl I ever wanted to keep, is lying at the bottom of the Newtown creek. So I hurl myself into the deep, and I hold my breath until I fall asleep. The only girl I ever wanted to keep, is lying at the bottom of the Newtown creek. In the morning, twice a week, I go swimming in the Newtown creek. My nose runs, I begin to cough. My hair and skin flake off. I start in Brooklyn, swim to Queens, turn around and swim back again. My bones ache, I can hardly speak, when I'm swimmin' in the Newtown creek.
42
On the Badminton Court Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
01:51

Lyrics:

In bygone days gentlemen all kept their blade and their gun by their hand. They draw their weapons at their first dirty word, but I traded in my pistol for two rackets and a bird. You've done me wrong, mm that's a fact, you called me yellow behind my back. You spoke vulgar language, here's my retort, gonna smack your shallow popgun around that badminton court. Well I don't go for bullets, don't go for boats, don't go for brawling and getting blood on my clothes. Don't go for cussing when I'm settling my score, so I'll offer declaration on the badminton court. You've done me wrong, mm that's a fact, you called me yellow behind my back. You spoke vulgar language, here's my retort, gonna smack your shallow popgun around that badminton court. Say friends, what do you do on the badminton court? (smack the bird) Oh, what do you do on the badminton court? (smack the bird) Let's smack it! So grab your racket, grab your shorts, take the field for some manly sport. When the sun is high and the breeze is cool. I challenge every scoundrel to a badminton duel. You've done me wrong, mm that's a fact, you called me yellow behind my back. You spoke vulgar language, here's my retort, gonna smack your shallow popgun around that badminton court.
43
The Big Strong Man Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
02:25

Lyrics:

Have you heard about the big strong man? (Yes I have) He lived in a caravan. (What kind?) Have you heard about the different clubs and fights? Oh lord, what a hell of a fight! Well you can take all heavy weights you got (What you got?) We got a live that can beat the whole lot (Whole lot) He used to ring bells in the bell frame now he's gonna fight Jack Dempsey. That's my brother, Stylvest, (What you got?) got a row of forty medals on his chest (Big chest) Built fifty buildings in the west he knows the rest. think of the man, hell's fire, don't push, just shove, plenty of room for you and me. He's got an arm like a leg and a punch that could sink a battle ship. Thanks all the army and the navy for the win, old Stylvest. Well he thought he'd take a trip to Italy (Itlay) He thought he's go by sea (By sea) He dove off the harbor in the ocean and he swam like a man from corps. He saw the Lusitania in distress (distress), he put the Lusitania on his chest (big chest) he drank all the water in the sea and he walked all the way to Italy. That was my brother, Stylvest, (What you got?) got a row of forty medals on his chest (Big chest) Built fifty buildings in the west he knows the rest. think of the man, hell's fire, don't push, just shove, plenty of room for you and me. He's got an arm like a leg and a punch that could sink a battle ship. Thanks all the army and the navy for the win, old Stylvest. Well he thought he'd take a trip to old Japan (Japan) They brought out the big brass band. He played every instrument they got, what a lad, he played the whole lot. Well the old church bells will ring, the old church choir will sing, they all came out to say farewell to my brother, Stylvest. That was my brother, Stylvest. (What you got?) got a row of forty medals on his chest (Big chest) Built fifty buildings in the west he knows the rest. think of the man, hell's fire, don't push, just shove, plenty of room for you and me. He's got an arm like a leg and a punch that could sink a battle ship. Thanks all the army and the navy for the win, old Stylvest.
44
The Square Root of Two Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
02:39

Lyrics:

My love for you is like the square root of two. That's a nerdy way to flirt, oh buddy it's true. Because if you write that number straight out to the umpteenth decimal place, you notice that it don't repeat and it never terminates. My affection's never ending, every day is new. My love is like the square root of two, written as a decimal, my love is like the square root of two. My love for you is like the square root of two. That's a dorky way to court, oh buddy it's true. My fondness isn't fractional, in fact, it's irrational, that is if we're speaking terms strictly mathemagical. Oh, fetch me a blackbow, I'll sketch you the proof, that my love is like the square root of two, written as a decimal, my love is like the square root of two. Oh, baby, I know you're not much for numbers, but maybe you can make an exception and we can be lovers. My affection's never ending, every day is new. That's how my love is like the square root of two. Oh, fetch me a blackbow, I'll sketch you the proof, that my love is like the square root of- My affection's never ending, every day is new, that's how my love is like the square root of two, written as a decimal, my love is like the square root of two. Oh, baby now, my love is like the square root of two.
45
They Can't Prohibit Love Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
02:57

Lyrics:

I sing for your song of prohibition and offer some advice I hope you use (I hope you use) This world offers all kinds of stimulation, even if the government takes away your booze. Congress turned off the liquor spout, but you and me are still getting out because they can't prohibit love. Oh my gin cup's as dry as they get, but you and me are still getting wet because they can't prohibit love. Oh my best barman took the keys to his tavern and turned them over, but let me tell you honey, I don't feel any soberer because every time we kiss and hug, baby, I'm as good as drunk because they can't prohibit love. Oh I got the tremors but they don't hurt because you got the medicine beneath your skirt, honey, they can't prohibit love. So tell them insanities, "do your worst". You and me ain't buying a thirst because they can't prohibit love. Oh that firewater and moonshine dug a hole right through my liver, but your loving makes every single one of my organs quiver. Every time we kiss and hug, baby, I'm as good as drunk because they can't prohibit love. Yes every time we kiss and hug, baby, I'm as good as drunk because they can't prohibit love. Oh they can't prohibit love, they can't prohibit love (repeated) (scatting) They can't prohibit love, they can't prohibit love (repeated)
46
Unicycle Blues Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
03:40

Lyrics:

My love and I were the toast of the town, the pair everybody knew. We'd roll around the city on a bicycle built for two. But one evening we had a quarrel, and filled with spite, my love, she took a hacksaw to our lovely tender bike. Left me with the unicycle blues, if you only knew my sad situation, I fall down after one rotation. Day after day I tumble on the pavement trying to lose my unicycle blues. I've got the unicycle blues, I played a fool for everyone that passes I fall down and I break my glasses. All in the distance, you're perfectly balanced, but I can't lose my unicycle blues. Oh it was colder than an icicle, than an Eskimo with no igloo (that's pretty cold) You took my heart and my bicycle and told them bold in two. Left me with the unicycle blues, honey I can't lose my unicycle blues. I've got the unicycle blues, if you only knew my sad situation, I fall down after one rotation. Day after day I tumble on the pavement trying to lose my unicycle, trying to lose my unicycle, trying to lose my unicycle.
47
When Your Lips Are Playing My Kazoo Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
02:36

Lyrics:

Oh when your lips are playing my kazoo, all I wanna do is sing. (yadda yadda zing) When you make that sweet little noise, all the other boys want to be me. That's 'cause honey you got a way with music, and you know how to use it. Oh when your lips are playing my kazoo all I wanna do is sing (all I wanna do is sing) Oh when your lips are playing my kazoo, I fall in love with you in a wink (in a wink) Oh when you hum those sweet melodies, I tremble at the knees, I need a drink. That's 'cause honey you can do what no other girl can do, with just your lips, a little teeth, and a kazoo. Oh when your lips are playing my kazoo, I fall in love with you (I fall in love with you) Oh when your lips are playing my kazoo, all I wanna do is sing (yadd yadda zing) When you make that sweet little noise, all the other boys want to be me. That's 'cause honey you got a way with music, and you know how to use it (Oh you know how to use it) When your lips are playing my kazoo, I fall in love with.
48
William Howard Taft Heavy Petting
More: Lyrics
01:57

Lyrics:

Oh William Howard Taft, had a great big smile and a great big laugh, a great big belly, and great big thighs that slapped together when he walked by, no he can't squeeze nothing past William Howard Taft, oh William Howard Taft, got himself stuck in a bath, secret servant and the police
49
02:57

Lyrics:

Whole wheat and potatoes have long been friends from past. They gave the Russians vodka and the British their beloved gin, but if the fire comes down from heaven, and the oceans, they do burst. I'll be sipping corn liquor to satisfy my holy thirst. 'Cause the world's most versatile grain, fermenting in something mean. Corn liquor, God damn, heaven take the sober man! Sugar cane and molasses have made many people smile, but they gave rum to Jamaica and it seems to have lasted them a while. But if it comes to the day of judgment and I hear the good Lord's voice, I'll be sipping corn liquor awaiting the all mighty's choice. 'Cause the world's most versatile grain, fermenting in something mean. Corn liquor, God damn, suck on some corn while you can! Corn liquor, God damn, let heaven take the sober man! 'Cause the world's most versatile grain, fermenting in something mean. Corn liquor, God damn, suck on some corn while you can! Corn liquor, God damn, let heaven take the sober man! Corn liquor, God damn, suck on some corn while you can! Corn liquor, God damn, let heaven take the sober man!

Lyrics:

Outside the sun is shinging, everywhere I look there's fishes flying. Out of muddy water and into skies of blue. I'd like to catch me a fish or two. Oh, when I see them suckers jumping, my little heart just starts a thumping. It pumps an evil yearning straight through my inside. It runs from my gut down to my thighs. That's why I'm fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), oh fishing, I'm fishing, fishing for you. All day long I've been casting, reeling, trying to throw away that lonesome feeling. I'm going to the store to get me a fishing net. But I ain't had no use for one yet. If the Lord all mighty will it, there'll one day be a fish fryin' in my skillet. I'm trying evey river from the North Pole to the South. Lord all my hook needs is one mouth. That's why I'm fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), oh fishing, I'm fishing, fishing for you. I'm fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), oh fishing, I'm fishing, fishing for you. That's right I'm fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), fishing (fishing), oh fishing, I'm fishing, fishing for you.
51
00:47

Lyrics:

INSTRUMENTAL
52
02:43

Lyrics:

Oh, Norlee, won't you bring your hind quarters back to me. My days have been dark and bleak. Since your hind quarters ain't in my reach. Each every day, and every night, your hind quarters make my undergarments tight. Oh, Norlee, you carry your hind quarters so sensually.
53
I've Been Drinking The Two Man Gentlemen Band
More: Lyrics
02:29

Lyrics:

I've been drinking, for an hour and a day. And I feel like I should have died. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, and more than once I think I cried. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, and I can't see so well now. I've been drinking for an hour and day, oh another one will cure it somehow. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, and I just can't seem to understand. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, oh how the glass reappears full in my band. (Let's have a drink) Ok. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, but it feels like weeks have passed. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, oh another one (oh yes please) glad you asked. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, and I feel pretty damn good. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, oh suckin' em down like a young man should. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, ain't nothin' gonna stop me now. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, nothing gonna stop me now. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, and I still feel like I shoulda died. I've been drinking for an hour and a day, and I can't, oh I can't, no I can't, and I can't, and I can't remember why.
54
In The Days of Twenty and One The Two Man Gentlemen Band
More: Lyrics
01:51

Lyrics:

In the days of twenty and oh, things are bad. In the days of twenty and oh, things are bad. In the days of twenty and oh I was tyin' that rope. Almost killed myself, when things were bad. In the days of twenty and one, oh my God. In the days of twenty and one, oh my God. In the days of twenty and one to my head I held that gun, slidin' down a firey hill, oh my God. In the days of twenty and two I had bad dreams. In the days of twenty and two I had bad dreams. In the days of twenty and two, worryin' 'bout dyin's all I do. I'm a mess, I'm a mess, I've got bad dreams. In the days of twenty and three we're gonna burn. In the days of twenty and three we're gonna burn. In the days of twenty and three, there's no hope I can see. Shower me in kerosine and watch me burn.
55
In The Shadow of the Pines The Two Man Gentlemen Band
More: Lyrics
02:49

Lyrics:

We wander through the shadow of the pines my love and I, as the wind was blowing freshly from the sea. When the sudden fateful darkness tow across the summer sky, and the shadow came between my love and me. Some hefty words were spoken and almost unaware, haste answers to unthinking anger led. And all our hearts felt longing and our weepings and our prayre. America Mick does false cruel words unsaid. Come back to me, sweatheart, and love me as before. Back to me sweatheart and leave me an nare more. In lives dark pathways, the sun may no longer shine. Come love, meet me in the shadow of the pines. You took the ring I gave you nor you cast a glace one glance at me. As you held the jewel trinket in your hand. And then you turned and tossed it in the waters on the sea where the waves were splashing idlly on the sand. You went your way unheading, tears I could not hide, you went your way, not a word was said. This stubborn heart was breaking underneath this mask of pride. And the pine trees saw the pitty overhead. Come back to me sweatheart and love me as before. Back to me sweatheart and leave me 'nare more. In lives dark pathways, the sun no longer shines. Come love and meet me in the shadow of the pine.
56
02:21

Lyrics:

Darlin' tell me now what you're wispering to yourself. Dumptrucks crashing beside my window blowing my hearing out. Darlin tell me now what you're staring on the ground. Streetlights are pouring thru my window, burning my eye balsl out. Oooh. I get a lousy attitude when you (oooh), you, you don't listen and that's rude. Darlin' come back soon, you know I've been drinking for you since the noon. There is a lost love swiriling thru my liver, got me hurling things at the moon. Cause darlin' when you're near, I spend less of my time, will and dear. You said you're leaving because of something but it's something I didn't hear. (oooh) I get a lousy attitude when you (oooh), honey, when you tell me you, you don't listen and that's rude, you don't listen and that's rude, you don't listen and that's rude.
57
02:02

Lyrics:

I was sitting in Queens County drunk while I'm thinking about no romance. Saw you coming in that high dress, mama, and it hurt me in my pants. When my aching heart turned over, felt like newly shoveled earth. And my gut popped like a fire cracker on July the fourth. And nobody knows, nobody warned me about women like you. I was lying on the East River bank with your head upon my knee. Watching garbage boats float by us sailing on into the sea. Eyes were foggy, sun was lifting, you offered me a kiss. And of the girls left in Queens County, honey, you're the one I miss. Nobody knows, nobody warned me about women like you. Nobody knows, nobody warned me about women like you. Nobody knows, nobody warned me about women like you.
58
More: Lyrics
01:53

Lyrics:

Baby it's gonna be alright, I called a preacher and he's waiting outside. So put your boney hand in mine, and darling try to keep yourself from crying. Girl, you know this wasn't my intention, I never learned about no birth prevention. It'll be alright, when I'm a husband and you're a wife. Oh baby it's gonna be okay, you know my mama had three babies at your age. So wipe your tears away from your face, and darling try to crack a smile for your wedding day. Is it such an abomination? We just done mistimed your ovulation. It'll be alright, when I'm a husband and you're a wife. Oh, baby come here, give me a kiss and try to forget about the loving I would miss. And I know your daddy is gonna be pissed, but it's not like you were fooling with your brother or your sister. Then talk before the congregation, the good Lord loves a little fertilization, alright. It'll be alright when I'm a husband and you're a wife.
59
03:13

Lyrics:

Oh, dear Lord, you know times is getting hard. There ain't no good jobs to be had. And oh, dear Jesus, I thought it was your job to keep us, even when the economy goes bad. Oh, but you left me feeling so alone, and all my money's gone. But that's all right, 'cause I can get drunk, and I can sing songs. Oh, dear Lord, I want a drink I can't afford. There ain't one dollar I can call mine. And oh, dear Jesus, come do a favor for your believers. Rustle up some whiskey or some wine. Oh, but you left me feeling so alone, and all my money's gone. But that's all right, 'cause I can get drunk, and I can sing songs. (whistling) Oh you left me feeling so alone, and all my money's gone. But that's all right, 'cause I can get drunk and I can sing songs. I can get drunk and I can sing songs (repeat)
60
More: Lyrics
02:37

Lyrics:

I got you right now, burned in my brain. Hot iron sizzling on my folds of grey. And I could almost smell my own flesh, yeah you cook me real good. Now each and every head ache reminds me of you. Less I forget that brutal day we met. I'm coming, I'm coming for you. I knew you were the one right from the start. Our first words flying out to tear the other apart. And then the shouting sweetly sounded, ringing all through town. Blow for blow we dealt each other, neither backing down. Oh, I won't forget that brutal day we met. I'm coming, I'm coming for you. Oh the beast inside took control, there wasn't much we could do. Around us, the fearful stand, they've never seen a love so true. I didn't think I'd miss it, baby, seemed like so much pain. But things got so peaceful between us that I forgot the day when we last battled and gave each other new scars. Well my head's still hurting baby, it's hurting so hard. Less I forget that brutal day we met, I'm coming, I'm coming for you. Oh, I won't forget that brutal day we met. I'm coming, I'm coming, coming for you.
61
02:59

Lyrics:

Looks like I'm getting the fever again, oh yeah. 'Cause you know spring time is approaching. All the ladies, they'll be showing a little more skin, oh yeah. As we make our way to summer. Oh no, I think she's caught me staring at her. It's just some skin I haven't seen in a while. Forgive me ma'am, I gotta go now. I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone. Found a better place to do my watching, oh yeah. Oh, she'd never think I'd be returning, but I did. Just just just gotta k-k-k-k-keep it cool, oh yeah. After all, this is the season for mating. Oh I can't let these Dionysus distract me no more. 'Cause she is looking at me again, she may scream, I gotta go. I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone. Circle 'round and 'round 'til I found a new spot, oh yeah. She's much more beautiful than I thought. And it don't matter to me if she's eleven-teen. 'Cause I'm sad and lonely and desperate, and I'll do anything. So don't talk to me about what the good Lord will say. 'Cause there's no time, the cops are coming, I gotta go, I gotta get running. I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone.